halo of midnight

last night
I wanted to close my eyes
and wake up and find you here,
kneeling at the side of my bed,
with the halo of midnight
all around you,
wearing the black satiny cape
of the moon and your face
a beacon of light
guiding me home again.

~I want to be your spinning atlas,
my solar plexus
the center of your pleasurable universe,
but you are always
just barely out of reach,
like the reflection of starlight
glimmering on the shimmering
surface of a deep lagoon.
Just when I think I have caught you,
like warmed breath through my body,
I exhale and you are gone.
I try not to breathe, I try not to let go.
I want to hold you in,
fold you in layers of chiffon
against my wintered skin.
I memorized your pulse,
I know the rhythym
of your sighs.
I was your delicious secret,
the feathered bed
of all your softly layered lies
and you,
you were my unrelenting torment
and all my sad, sad goodbyes~

P.s. if you had ever even asked for forgiveness, I would have relented so easily. but I guess you never even really knew me at all