my way back

You dipped in the glaze of my kiss,
in the hollow of my neck
in the mist of my ivoried skin,
drinking the glycerine
of a much to warm summer night,
the linger of candles,
on the edges of every windowsill,
the splash of the bathwater,

we are sinking, like stones.
You are slowdrowning me,
under waterfilled skies.


The world is a million miles away,
the surface of my life,
a long lost memory.

I am going down,
going under these waves,
watching you drift away
like a faded love letter
in a sea green bottle.

We were a story,
that I would have read,
only my existance
in your world,
was never the same
as yours in mine.

You have the lead role
in my life, and yet,
in yours I was only
a guest star.
A passing fancy.

I was safe
in the unrequitedness
of us.
You could touch me,
and leave a pulsing scar,
that I could trace at night
and remember
your lingering caress
upon me.

Your kiss burns
from my always wanting more
and whenever I moved beneath you,
you always moved away.
You held me softly,
when you thought I was sleeping,
you closed your eyes
when you thought I was not peeking.

You remembered far away thoughts,
when we were close, and dreamt of others,
when I whispered your name.


You loved me, but from a great distance. I loved you, and could never feel you close ~enough~. It was as if my love for you, chilled me to the bone, and I could never find enough warmth eminating from you, to take the chill away.

This is not how love is supposed to be. I do not wish you away, I only wish us better.
because, there were glimpses in you, of a life I could have had.

I saw our future in fairy tales, and we were happy. we were happy. There were babies and puppies and bills stacked to the ceiling and spilled ice cream cones.
There were trips to far away places and long car rides, and boxes of chinese take out. There were stains on the carpet,
and broken wine glasses and shopping for new couches.

There were nights that were endless and days without end, and wishes held onto , and laughter splashing from beneath our bedroom door.

There were pet rabbits and badly built science projects and overcooked breakfasts in bed. There were crying children, and family portraits and twinkling christmas lights, hung like stars.
There were sapphire and diamond and macaroni strung necklace's that I always wore. There were chaotic carpool rides and visits to dr's and planting tulips in the garden and smoky barbeques filling the back yard.
There were summer picnics and school conferences and a secret language all of our own. There were endings and beginnings. and this right now
is just the in between.
the in between of a life that I can see but can not find my way, my way
my way back to you.