all for my priceless princess

so many choices to make.

Being a single mom, feels like such a cliche, and here I am living in Syracuse, a place I despise on so many levels, mostly because their is no opportunity for career or jobs, it is land of the blue collar, and even that is going to the wayside as factory after factory shutsdown, unable to afford the high taxes and the lure of outsourcing overseas.

and I can't seem to find a way to go back to school, I already have my undergrad degree, and I want to try and get certified to teach, but it proves yet again, another impossibly challenging task. Someone qualified and passionate about kids, can't find an on ramp to the path of teaching, and yet, all I ever hear about are sex offenders and pedophiles who were somehow TEACHING YOUNG CHILDREN?? HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN??? Granted, I do not want it to be easy, to get certified, I just want it to be within the realm of ( realistic/afordable) possibility.

My options are, try to get into the Teach NYC PROGRAM ( where only 10 % are accepted) and have to move with Sierra to the bronx, and find a nursery school for her... ( that I like and can afford) in a short amount of time, and then being thrown into a NYC classroom, full of unruly kids without any real training...

or go back to undergrad school, for a year, do a semester of unpaid teaching, take out $40,000 in loans, and try to carve out a way to balance, sierra, school... the bills...

argh. I never thought this was going to be easy.

but why does it feel so overwhelming at times?

and then I curl up next to Sierra and she says to me, without me saying it first " I love you SO MUCH! Mommy"

and tears spring to my eyes...

She is my little girl.



so, even if doing it on my own, is the hardest thing I have ever done,

every night I know. that I made the right choice, and that Sierra is thriving and bright and a happy, loving, well adjusted, confident little girl.

and that worth more than all the gold in the world.